The other day I took my neighbor some extra tomato plants I had because I knew that the seven inches of rain followed by a couple of extra chilly nights had done a number on hers. As we stood in the back yard visiting, her two boys—a preschooler and kindergartner—were playing on the swing set. After a minute or two, the older one got off, picked up the permanent marker his mom had been using to make plant markers, and started to write something on the swing set.
Without missing a beat, Mom looked him straight in the eye, called him by name, and said “Don’t you even think about it,” in a not-too-harsh, but I-mean-what-I-say kind of voice. The little guy looked at her, looked down at the marker, looked back at her, and…dropped the marker, turned around, and went back to what he had been doing.
Way to go, Mom! Not just in that incident, but the obviously great job she is doing as a mom overall.
I say that because this little guy knew she meant business. She wasn’t making idle threats or taking the approach of hoping or suggesting he make a good choice. She was making the choice for him, and letting him know that if he didn’t comply, there would be consequences to pay. So, again I say, “Way to go, Mom!”
Parents and grandparents, hear me when I say that your kids need boundaries and limits. They also need to know where those things are and that crossing them is nonnegotiable, but if they choose to do so anyway, (which they will, at times) there is a price tag, so to speak, for making that choice.
Giving your children the ‘don’t even think about it’ ultimatum isn’t always the right thing to do. Sometimes kids need to learn from their mistakes. Sometimes they need to take a risk that doesn’t turn out to be so great. But make no mistake about it. The ‘don’t even think about it’ ultimatum is good parenting when used appropriately. What is appropriate, you ask?
• When their choice would be disrespectful to someone
• When their choice hurts someone physically or emotionally
• When they would hurt themselves physically
• When their choice is disrespectful to someone’s property (including their own)
• When their choice is inappropriate behavior and/or rude (impolite)
• When their choice is one that would defy your previous instructions
As you can see, this isn’t about holding your kids back or being an overbearing, hovering sort of parent. No, this is about raising up a generation of people, aka, future spouses, parents, and citizens who have integrity and respect for themselves and others. And in return we are helping make the world a safer, kinder, place to live.
P.S. I have had a few inquiries lately about a collection of Momma D posts. The book, "Love, Momma D" is a collection of several years' worth. It is available on Amazon. You can also contact me directly for a copy if you would prefer to do so. -Thanks.
