Since we just got done celebrating Halloween holiday with all the candy, caramel apples, hayrides, and parties, I thought I would call upon one of my all-time favorite heroes to help me remind you of something every parent has to do. Her name: Mamma Bear of the Berenstain Bears. The ‘something’ every parent has to do: Adjust and extend the amount of freedom you allow your child, aka, working yourself out of a job.
The reason I mention Halloween is because of what Mamma Bear does in The Berenstain Bears Trick or Treat. She allows the cubs to go trick-or-treating with their friends and without adult supervision. That’s a big step, isn’t it? Some might say it’s more like stepping off the edge of a cliff and that your kids will never be allowed to do that.
If you are one of those parents, I understand. With the pulse of society being what it is, I cannot say I would, either. But sending your kids candy-collecting on their own isn’t what this is about. It’s about Momma Bear knowing that it is the duty and responsibility of every parent to work themselves out of a job.
Yep, you read correctly. Your job as a parent is to work yourself out of a job. Step by step, milestone by milestone, you need to prepare your children to not be children anymore.
Think about it. Sippy cups were the first step toward drinking from a cup or glass. Next came small cups (probably plastic), and then…. The same is true for moving from mushy food to solids, potty training, riding a bike (unless your kids are like my son who scoffed at the very thought of training wheels), and academic accomplishments. See? It’s a process—one that needs to be ongoing.
But Mamma Bear didn’t give the cubs the privilege of added trust and responsibility without any guidelines, rules, and expectations. And neither should you. Parents have to be tuned in to who their children are, where they are in regard to following instructions, being aware of their surroundings, and how responsible they are. You should know this process isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. Some children are eager and capable of being given more freedom and responsibility than others. For example, if they can’t be counted on to put their clean laundry away when asked to do so, or if you have to remind them multiple times to finish their homework, if you have an overly impulsive child, or one who is an extreme introvert, you certainly don’t want to add to the problem by giving them more than they can handle. That doesn’t do anyone a favor. It frustrates you and overwhelms them. On the other hand, a child who has to remind you not to forget something on your grocery list or reminds you that you signed up to make cookies for the PTO, well, you get the point. This is the child needs to be allowed to be given opportunities to use their level of maturity to shine.
So, no matter what stage(s) of parenting you are in right now, remember that it’s only temporary. Time flies when you’re having fun, you know. But don’t get so caught in the trap of being so focused on what you are doing now that you forget why you are doing it—to get them ready for later. Or to put it to you like I did earlier—don’t forget that the end goal is to work yourself out of a job.
